Where you might be getting stuck: Common misconceptions about getting out of pain

Living with chronic pain creates an urgent need to get out of it.

That sense of urgency grows as more time goes by and more treatments don’t help.

Urgency creates fear and is created by fear, which can lead us to narrow our thinking and lose sight of the bigger picture of the work that we need to do. Here are some common misconceptions about getting out of pain, along with some suggestions for working through them.

Misconception #1: My pain will resolve immediately now that I realize it's neuroplastic

I frequently hear my clients lament “I’m totally convinced that my pain is neuroplastic, so why hasn’t it gone away?” It is so understandable to be frustrated by the disconnect between this new way of understanding your pain and the way your body still feels.

The thing is, teaching our bodies that we are safe after months, years, or decades of living in a cycle of pain and fear takes more than just new information. The new information is the (crucial) foundation on which we must build an entirely new way of relating to the body. We also need methods of calming our subconscious minds, experiencing the pain differently, and treating ourselves gently.

In addition to recognizing that this process takes time, it’s also important to dive deeper into the fears and meanings behind this misconception. If you’ve told yourself that your pain “should” be going away, what feelings go along with that? Are you scared? Frustrated? Worried that this is one more thing that will fail you? It makes complete sense to feel this way, and bringing those concerns out into the open can be a first step toward taking away their power.

Misconception #2: I need to work harder to get out of pain

As a high-achieving person, you are probably drawn to checklists and motivated by how much you can accomplish each day. If you are a high-achiever with chronic pain, you have probably been searching for a way to “solve” your pain and dedicated yourself vigorously to whatever treatment approaches were recommended to you.

If hard work were the way out of pain, you probably wouldn’t have pain anymore.

While “hard work” seems like a good thing on the surface, it can easily backfire in the case of unlearning neuroplastic pain. Pushing ourselves to work harder toward an outcome that is not under our direct control can be an incredibly frustrating experience. We can veer into self-criticism and self-blame (“I haven’t been doing enough. I need to do more.”). It can lead us into black-and-white thinking (“I’m trying so hard and nothing works!”) and feelings of desperation and futility.

In these ways, “working hard” to get rid of pain can fuel the fear-pain cycle, meaning that our tendency to push ourselves may paradoxically be contributing to MORE pain, not less.

Learning instead to slow down and take the pressure off helps us, over time, to feel safer in our bodies and reduce the threat level in our minds.

Misconception #3: Maybe I should try [acupuncture, surgery, injections, cupping, etc.]

When I talk to clients about what they’ve already tried to treat their pain, most people can list off about 8-10 distinct treatments without pausing to take a breath. When I ask what has been helpful, the list is considerably shorter (and sometimes there is nothing on it). It’s no wonder so many people feel frustrated and hopeless about the prospect of getting out of pain.

It’s very understandable to want to keep trying new treatments in the hopes that something out there will “work.”

And you absolutely can. But you may want to approach these new endeavors (including coaching or psychotherapy!) with a different mindset than you’ve had in the past.

For many of us, the usual approach to a new treatment is a cycle of hopefulness (“Maybe this will work”), an outcome-oriented mindset (“Is it working?”), and disappointment (“It didn’t work”). We underscore all of that with an external locus of control, where we feel like a passive recipient of the treatment, at the mercy of whatever mysterious forces and fates may be at play.

Instead, you may want to experiment with some different ways of approaching and evaluating whatever approach you’re trying. For instance, is the new treatment helping you to feel safer in your body in a long-lasting way? Is your relationship with the clinician one in which you feel cared for and hopeful? Can you use this new intervention as an opportunity to practice detaching from the outcome of getting out of pain and refocusing on noticing what happens with neutrality? If you can answer yes to any of these questions, that itself can be a mechanism for helping the pain to resolve.

Getting unstuck

The Slow Down and Soothe pain program is designed to move people beyond these common sticking points. In the program, we identify ways to dial down the intensity of living as a high-achiever with chronic pain and implement tangible actions for quieting the noise of our minds and, in addition, our pain.

Are you curious what this could look like for you? Fill out this form to speak to me directly about your journey toward resolving your pain.

The content shared here is for informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment. Always seek advice from your physician or other qualified healthcare provider before making changes to your health regimen.